Even Villains need Yoga
How would you like to plan evil
schemes and plots four hours on end and never have pain in your knees.
Being a world class Villain requires that you be limber and flexible.
Yoga has been around for thousands of years helping make the difference in outcome of many a battle. Have you ever wondered why some yoga postures are named "Warrior" pose or "Archer" or "Staff" pose (Dandasana was a weapon of bygone days). Yoga can help you be stronger for whatever it is you might be needing to do. Whether it is to outrun a possé that is closing in on you or bound from rooftop to rooftop as you are avoiding an angry mob bent on your immediate demise.
And don't discount the quiet meditative skills obtained through a practice of yoga. These can give you that stealthy advantage that will put you back on top the next time you gather with your fellow Villains in your undisclosed hidden lair. The league of Villains will notice an immediate improvement in your Villainy and probably make you president.
Sure you might want to avoid postures
such as
Virasana
"Hero Pose" or "Corpse Pose", instead try sticking
with yoga postures such as "Cobra" pose ... it is much better on your back
anyway and avoids hyper-extensions of your knee joints. Plus
"Cobra" has a much better name to boot.
Yoga helps you build strength from standing
poses for those final confrontations.
Standing poses require balance, focus and
alignment so you don’t fall down. Stand offs between you and
those pesky "hero types" requires the same skills and help
you say poised for that hasty retreat when things go
terribly wrong as they often do for scoundrels..
Stand Off Pose
The next time you are in one of those stand offs with a local sheriff or hero type ... you will be so appreciative that you took the time to practice yoga postures such as "Tree" pose. Inhale and exhale slowly as you stare into the eyes of you nemesis. Do this twenty times and then do your very best to run away. Because isn't that what Villains do best anyway.
Flex and Point
Fine then ... Tree pose didn't help much ... running away was not an option. So now you are in reclining Staff Pose (Dandasana). Lift your spine upwards and breathe mindfully. If you need the support, rest on a pile of loot, a saddle bag or even a blanket and keep a wall to your back so no one sneaks up on you ... again. Bend your left knee and relax ... if you can.
Inhale flexing your right foot, exhale pointing your right foot. Do this twenty times and then do your left foot twenty times. Repeat if you have the energy to do so.
Leg Extension Over Ankle
Make you right leg as straight and strong as possible by firming you right thigh. Breathe mindfully. Inhale and lift your right leg over your left leg so that your right heel hovers over your left top ankle. Count to five and then let it drop with a mindful exhale.
Exhale slowly lowering your right leg back to floor. Do your right leg ten times and then do your left leg. Then play dead until the crowd leaves and you can make a quick exit to safety.
Eye Exercises and Maniacal Laughter
Now that you have
run away to meet with your fellow Villains, scoundrels, cads
and cheats to share stories and commiserate on how "good has
triumphed once again". Practice your eye exercises of
opening them wide then squinting them while you laugh.
Having effective facial expressions can make a big
difference in your next encounter with goodness and virtue.
And even if they don't ... at least your eyes will feel
great!
Who knows ... yoga might even make you want you to give up your life of Villainy and settle down in a sleepy little town and become one of the good guys. Maybe you could run the local bank or livery stable or maybe even become the town sheriff. Sure ... it's a lot to ask, but think about it. Stranger things could happen.
Whether you look best in a black hat or a white hat. Whether you are a Hero or a Villain ... know that yoga is good for you.
